I’ve two stories to impart today which will go under separate posts. The end of this one is likely to upset a few of you who have come to know me through my writing for it sets my halo a tilt by a good margin. The events of Saturday night were as dramatic as could be expected, but for all the wrong reasons. Admittedly, this blog has become somewhat of a confessional for this mid-life crisis or wayward journey of mine; but I’ll continue to tell my story – as objectively as possible – come what may.
This entry is a follow-up story to last week’s commentary about my unexpected decision to spend MLK Day with a perfect female redheaded stranger – at her invitation – while our kids enjoyed each other’s company. As you’ll recall, I was a bit stand-offish, if not fearful, given everything that’s happened (or hasn’t happened) over the past few months. We accepted Becky’s invitation to attend her little gathering on Saturday. Little did I know what drama awaited me that Saturday afternoon.
To begin with, it didn’t take long for the drinks to start to poor. My glass was filled with my usual nemesis – red wine (you would’ve thought I’d learned my lesson by now). Almost immediately, Ms. Becky started in on me, introducing me to her other friends as her “playdate” as each new couple came in. I was a bit uncomfortable at first until she got me alone in the kitchen and teased, “I saw you blushing.” That pretty much signified what I was in for all night. As she began to drink, she became a bit more flirtatious – sort of making lewd comments and teasing me in front of my other half, and even her husband. Trying not to appear like a stiff, I responded back in kind. My other half immediately pulled me aside and yelled at me, “Don’t embarrass us. Her husband sort of made a face when you responded.” Ok, now I”m between a rock and hard place. What am I to do? Say nothing and appear a dolt, or try to make light of it all. No matter what I do – I’m always wrong!
Soon it was time for the presentation (not sure what it was – one of these things where they sell foods, dips, etc). I enjoyed the conversation and trying out the various offerings. At one point, Becky came up behind me and caressed my back. It was sort of bizarre to say the least. After all the food had been tried, the social activity picked up, and the drinks really began to flow. Becky continued her bantering, and came up to me saying “Ha, playmate, you’re lucky you didn’t see what I said about you on Facebook.” I got a little defensive by the comment, and responded, “Why, what did you say? Anything bad?” She replied, “No…. oh, you’re blushing again.” After prodding me a bit more, I looked right at her and said in a quiet voice, “Listen, you are going to get me in trouble.” She became slightly annoyed, frowned, and said, “Ok. I’ll stop.” That tells me that she knew exactly what she was doing.
About twenty minutes later my other half says to her, “I sent you a Facebook request.” For some reason that bothered me and I turned to Becky and said, “You’re friends with her on Facebook?” Becky responded, “Why are you jealous?” I don’t know why, but in that instant I became bitter, and withdrawn. I got drawn into Becky’s little game, and I felt she was punishing me for putting an end to it early.
I grabbed my drink and walked out of the kitchen; I headed to the living room to regroup by myself. This isn’t unusual for me to do at a party – sometimes, I like to escape the loudness of the group atmosphere, and retreat for a few minutes of solitude. So I sat in an unlit room gazing at my phone, and looking up at the golf game on TV. In comes Becky, who plops herself right next to me. She starts, “Oh what’s the matter [Carter], you’re mad at me? You don’t like me anymore?” I responded to her, “No. It’s not that at all, I like you, you’re very nice. You just don’t understand.“
She said, “Oh I understand. I really do understand.” she smiled. ”You’re upset that I’m friends with her on Facebook. I’m not going to get in the middle.” Then what do you think happens next? In comes my other half and sits on the couch arm right next to me, glaring, “What are you talking about?” I responded, “Nothing.” Sensing the tension, Becky got up and went back to the kitchen to leave me with the heat. My other half asked me again, “What are you doing [Carter]?” I responded, “Nothing, I was just sitting here minding my own business, chilling out.” I got up and went back in the kitchen to avoid further interrogation.
I returned to the kitchen, and said to my other half, “I think we should go.” Overhearing me, Becky says, “Oh, the party’s over, [Carter] wants to leave.” My other half went over to talk to some of the other guests, while I was left to stew in my outrage alone. Becky looked over at me smiling.
Time passed, and I got distracted, and had another drink. Again, I adjourned to the living room to check Facebook and chill-out. No sooner than two minutes go by, and Becky comes in and towers over me. She starts, “You’re being anti-social. Let me have your phone.” I responded, “No, I’m just checking my statuses. What, did you come looking for me?” She plops down next to me, and all I can think is that my other half is going to come in and rail me for hanging out in a dark room with Becky on a couch. WTF! She said, “I noticed you were missing and I came looking for you. You need to socialize.“
I said to her, “You don’t understand what’s going on. There is a lot going on.” She said, “I know. I can see that. I’m not going to get in the middle.” I can’t remember what was said next. I was probably a little ornery because she was – at minimum – pestering me. I returned to the kitchen. She followed, Becky and I had an exchange, but I’m not quite sure what it was about, nor can I remember what was said. I remember her saying at the end, “Screw you.” and I said, “You should be so lucky.” She then walked away, turned and came back to me and cracked me hard across the face. She said, “My husband will kick your ass.” She walked away. I was like OK – what just happened? Did this girl just slap me in the face?
The night resumed to normal – if you can call it that. I talked with this one guy about World War II history or something for a while over liquored coffees. I totally avoided Becky for the rest of the night – I had enough drama for the evening. Twenty minutes more and we were ready to leave. I shook a few hands, and walked out the door ahead of everyone. Becky yelled, “Good night, [Car....ter]!” I was frustrated at that point, and didn’t even give her the satisfaction of a partial acknowledgement.
Karma punished me though. On the way to my car, I slipped on the ice going down knee first. Later, I found that I had cut myself open so deep that I bled through my pants. I was more pissed that I scuffed up my new cowboy boots then anything else.
On the way home, I passed a cop waiting in the bushes. He chased me with lights and siren going. I turned to my other half and said, “This is f*cking it. I am screwed. I’m going to jail and that will be the end of me.” In truth, I wasn’t really that bad because I had consumed a half-dozen pieces of pizza, but I was tense, and these days even one drink could get you tossed in the slammer. The cop asked me for my license and registration and pelted me with the typical questions, informing me that I smelled like I had been drinking. I won’t get into the details of the dismal and frightening episode. To make a long story short, after quizzing me, and realizing I was good enough to get home, he let me go with a warning, urging me to slow down.
I was lucky. You have no idea how freaking lucky I was. Friends of mine have faced worse situations for less offenses (and less consumption) by just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. They call them traps for a reason.
On Sunday morning my other half looked at me and said, “Well, someone up there is looking out for you.” No truer words were ever spoken. I was given a second chance. And notwithstanding all that I have been through, I cannot tell you how lucky or blessed or whatever I was to have escaped a DUI charge, loss of license, and loss of quality of life. This is one Mulligan that I’m not soon to forget. Oh, and by the way – this bird is on the wagon.
HAWK MAN
Hopefully at least some of this is fiction…
I didn’t get to read yesterday, so am just now getting caught up on my WP Reader. Yes, we really do need to sit down and compare notes. (Like wtf happened in the “exchange” between you and Becky? You left out some juicy details! But, yeah, your response to her “Screw you” kind of did deserve a slap. Sorry.)
My first reaction to the whole story was that your wife had put Becky up to the behavior — especially since you asked her to back off, and she agreed, but still kept coming after you. What woman behaves like that right in front of her own husband? (And your wife!) Also strange was the fact that your wife seemed suspicious, but she still kept walking away and leaving you alone (or maybe it was you walking away from her). The further telling-detail was the discovery that your wife and Becky are FB friends. It just all seems like there’s more going on here than you were aware of.
But my other question is why didn’t you leave when things started to get that uncomfortable? Did you ignore the red flag and stay because Becky taunted you and guilted you into staying? She was being quite rude, crossing the line all evening. Even after you asked her to stop. Good catch on recognizing that her agreement meant she knew exactly what she was doing — especially if she WASN’T doing it to try to “help” your wife.
Either way, you were a victim — of Becky… or of Becky and your wife. Ugh! You really do need a break, don’t you? Hugs, Hawkman.
Not sure if I deserved a slap … she actually used the F word in frustration. I honestly don’t recall what else I said in the preceding moment. But a friend of mine thinks that me “shutting her down” ticked her off. I can’t say I know what her real intention was but she is clearly a trouble-maker. Had my other half and I not been so hypersensitive some of it might have been dismissed. In both instances she followed after me – and she must have known it would create a problem.
The fact that she sort of knew that we were having a rough spell (which is all I said to her previously – no details) tells me that she was trying to instigate something. Today this topic came up with my other half, because one of my kids said we were going to have another playdate with them to which my other half yelled, “Oh No we aren’t”. I cautioned her not to talk details about any of this so it didn’t get misconstrued. Later we talked and her feeling was that 1) Becky is insecure, 2) inappropriate by playing “cat and mouse” as she called it, and 3) not the kind of experience we want to relive as it was a bit much.
So there wasn’t any coordination between the two. And she only added her to FB later.
By the way, a good friend of mine laughed and said in defense of myself that I should have told my other half on the couch (after Becky left the first time) …. that I had no interest in Becky because I’m still in love with Ms. Tennessee.. and I can only be loyal to one delusion at a time. (Hopefully you found some humor that last line). He further mentioned that whether Becky was teasing or not, she has issues, and was likely testing the waters because that kind of teasing leads to other things and she was just trying to see how far she could push it. He also said that I sabotaged myself like I did the night I sent Ms. Tennessee away without so much as a kiss! So its not like I’m looking to cheat. There are other things at play here.
“By the way, a good friend of mine laughed and said in defense of myself that I should have told my other half on the couch (after Becky left the first time) …. that I had no interest in Becky because I’m still in love with Ms. Tennessee.. and I can only be loyal to one delusion at a time. (Hopefully you found some humor that last line).” –> Yes! I was laughing out loud by the time you got to “Ms. Tennessee.”
(Sounds like a very good friend, to make you laugh about this!)
No, you’re not looking to cheat; you just want to know if there’s something out there that’s better than what you currently have. That’s not a bad thing to look for. In fact, we should always be looking for “something better” if we’re unhappy. Now, if that something better can be had with the person to whom we’re already married…?
In my case, no. I found out that there was something better through a story I was writing, and I realized that if this concept of “something better” was in me, that it was also in other people. It was something more than what I have with H. And then, when I realized this, I told him about it. Unfortunately, he’d already been carrying on with his own “something better” by cheating. For over half of our 20-year marriage. (Very different from what you did w/ Ms. Tennessee, btw.)
Bottom line, I feel like you’re making excuses for Becky in some form or other, and I really hope your wife understands that you were victimized that night. Becky was totally out of line, and, if the tables had been flipped (if you had been a female, and Becky a male), you would probably be pressing charges against Becky right now. Regardless of her motives, she acted in a manner that was rude, highly inappropriate, and bordered on sexual harassment. Your wife is right to keep you and the kids away from her. She (Becky) should be embarrassed. (Her husband probably already is — btw, where was HE when all of this was going down?) You delineated boundaries, and she blew them off. In my neck of the woods, we have a name for bitches like that: TPT. You have enough on your plate w/o having to deal with THAT crap.
There is no doubt in my mind that she’s the kind of person who has already blamed me, and exonerated herself from any wrong-doing. She probably spends most of her day doing this to others; I’m sure I wasn’t her first or last victim. She was pissed that I didn’t play along (or stopped playing along after a few minutes). To answer your question – her husband was drinking heavily and socializing with others; now that I think about it, there wasn’t much interaction between the two all night. BTW – there was some other episode going on that my other half was watching. There was another woman there with her husband (whom she totally ignored) who was flirting with another guy, touching and caressing, and calling baby, etc. I think my other half was far more offended watching that scenario unfold more so than Becky’s bizarre antics. In truth, I was so preoccupied with my own state of mental chaos that I didn’t even notice it. But I was pretty anti-social at that point in the night having been cracked across the face, and caught up in someone’s little game.
Blogventer, I don’t want you to have the wrong impression about me. If Ms. Tennessee showed up at my door – I wouldn’t send her away. Not that she ever will. And its HIGHLY unlikely that we’ll ever communicate again. I’m still of the mindset that she only kept in contact with me out of pity (some might argue differently, but I’m not expert). It’s too painful to think about. This might sound disgusting by as an analogy – it’s like picking at scab on your arm every day of the week, and wondering why it won’t heal.